Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
