when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
