I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
