I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
