My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
