Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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