somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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