I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
