He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
