If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
