Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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