Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
