you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
