Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
