She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't deserve a penis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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