i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
