Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
