super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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