One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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