If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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