woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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