I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
