dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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