Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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