So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
