the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
