haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
false alarm. still invincible.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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