the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
