So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
