Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
