watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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