can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone came in the potted fern
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
