Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
