if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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