I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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