we're blogging at a bar
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
