i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
