Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
