Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
