sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
