remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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