im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
