We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
