Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
