I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
