i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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