so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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