It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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