i think my tv is drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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