Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
